Things they don't tell you about having a hysterectomy:

1.  Your bowel movements will become something you worry about all the time.  That's because the narcotics make you constipated, and the act of pooping is very painful.  So imagine trying to poop out that hard rock of tightly packed shit without blowing out your insides.  Remember, after a vaginal hysterectomy with a bladder sling--you don't want to strain too much.  And yes, everyone will ask you about your bowel movements.

2.  Having loose stool is just as painful as being constipated.

3.  There is a recipe that is referred to as "The Recipe" that is used to help with your bowel movements.  It's one part applesauce, one part prune juice, and one part all bran cereal.  You take three tablespoons in the morning and three at night. It's disgusting, but it works.  I now, however, still have prune juice in my fridge because no one wants to finish it off.

4.  As previously mentioned--I found super glue in my pubic hair.  I was afraid to ask what it was used for when I went back to the doctor's office, so I'm still not sure about it.

5.  Farting hurts and there will be a lot of it.

6.  Cats and children want to climb into your lap after a hysterectomy, even cats and children you've never seen before.  And when I say climb, I mean violently bouncing.  Carry a pillow around with you at all times and make sure you put it in your lab when you sit down.

7.  Having time off from work is great, except that you feel too crappy to enjoy it.  You can't bend, lift anything, everything wears you out, and you tire very, very easily.  And believe me, you can get tired of reading all the time.  I never thought I would feel that way.

8.  This is a great time to catch up on your blog... if you aren't taking narcotics.  Everything I wanted to say on my blog just sat in my head while I kept telling myself that I'd get to it eventually. That didn't happen, even long after I finished my supply of happy drugs.

9.  Your husband will be very good about taking over the chores for the first week or so, and then the help slowly disappears.

10. No sex for six weeks.  The day I was officially released by the doctor, my husband and I did the nasty.... a lot.

11. If you don't have sex for six weeks--you'll be very sore after you make up for it.